Direction

As I am preparing to enter my second year of college, I realize that I am a much different person than I was the year before. I entered college loud and ready to concur the world. I go in now scared and unsure of myself. I've always been the kid who had it all together. I had a plan for my life, a very detailed one. Now, things are different. I feel so lost and confused and I find myself just hoping to make up my mind about something. I wish that things were simple. I wish there was a script for my life so that I could read ahead, find my motive, and know where I'm going. I wish God would just shout out "hey do this". A week ago, I was excited and thought I had a plan. After hearing others opinions and thinking what all could go wrong, I'm lost again. I feel like everyone is pulling and pushing me into so many directions and I can't find my way. I know where I want to end up. I just don't know how to get there.

Love is any interesting topic in my life at the moment. I feel like it's something God has really been teaching me about these past few months. One thing I learned is that the meaning of “love one another” means to “behave well towards another”. It is not an emotional or physical feeling, but a choice made to treat other people with dignity and respect, even if they have no intentions of doing the same. This is a difficult concept to embrace since, from my perspective, we always want good behavior reciprocated. Most are familiar with 1 Corinthians 13:4, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud". "Love is patient", we must be patient with those who do not return our love. Patience is showing self-control. "Love is kind", kindness is defined as giving attention, appreciation, and encouragement. We must make a choice if we want to love, show patience and kindness to, a person or not. Love takes humility, being authentic and without pretense or arrogance. It takes respect, treating others like they are important...BECAUSE THEY ARE. All people are important no matter who they are, what they've done or where they have come from. (getting off of my soapbox) Love takes selflessness, meeting the need of others. This does not mean giving everyone everything that they want. It means meeting someones legitimately required for their mental or physical well-being. Love takes forgiveness, giving up resentment when wronged. Forgiveness is not about pretending bad things didn't happen or not dealing with them as they arise. We must practice assertive behavior with others, not passive doormat behavior or aggressive behavior that violates the rights of others. Assertive behavior is being ope, honest, and direct with others but is always done in a respectful manner. Forgiving behavior is dealing with situations as they arise in an assertive manner and then letting go of any lingering resentment. Love takes honesty, being free from deception. Honesty is about clarifying expectations for people, holding people accountable, being willing to give the bad news as well as the good news, giving feedback, being consistent, predictable, and fair. Love requires commitment, sticking to your choices. We must be commitmented, dedicated to growing, stretching, and continuously improving an individual or group. I feel that these things are true for love in every relationship. Friends, parents, spouse, etc. This has been a very informal blog so I'll just end with
THE END

Amazed

Wow! Being a freshman has been a crazy journey. As it comes to a close, I can't help but think about all of the amazing things that have happened this year. God has put some amazing people in my life. I have been encouraged like never before. I'm so happy. I can't wait for next semester!

At orientation, we were assigned "Leap" groups. I hated it. None of the people who I had made friends with was in my group and there was this weird guy from my district in my group. We took a tour of Nashville together. On the bus, I sat with a girl named Lauren. She was a missionary kid from Madagascar. After a 2 hour tour, I had found a wonderful friend. She is crazy, funny, and kind. I can't wait to hang out with her some this summer.

One of the first people I met when I arrived in the fall was Megan. My crazy, wonderful RA. I have never met a person like her. She is encouraging and has made my day on countless occasions. She has seen me in the good and the bad and still wants to be my friend. She is so caring and I love her smile. She is amazing. I will really miss her this summer.

Leap group gave me another friend besides Lauren. I met Emily one night in a leap group outing. We almost die because of Todd's bad driving. Emily was someone to run and have deep conversations with. I won't soon forget the night we tried to annoy Megan by acting like animals in the lobby. I can't wait to serve on RHA with her.

Emily's roommate Jeanine has to be the most logical person I have ever met. She makes sure she gets 8 hours of sleep a night, eats healthy, and wears ear plugs to concerts. I love our time spent after The Gathering talking about God and anything else that may be going on in our lives. She is wonderful.

While doing The Glass Menagerie, I met the quiet, hard working, cookie loving, Sara. I love how hard working she is. She gets why I put so much work into everything. She baked cookies once and I began loving her that day. I love watching Disney movies, SNL, and texting to let the other know the cookies in the caf are good that day. I have never met someone who understands my love of cookies like Sara. I will have to bake cookies and mail them to her this summer.

I'm sad to be leaving for the summer, but I'm excited to come back as Johnson Hall RHA president. I have some amazing job opportunities next year as well. There have been rocky spots, but things are amazing. God is so good. I can't thank Him enough.

"Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God"

Achieving Happiness

What do we want? We all want something. We want money. We want things. We want to be liked. I think deeper, we think we want happiness. But are we truely happy, just being happy. We need more. We need substance. We are a discontent people. We are never fully happy. Sometimes I want to be upset about something, but I am happy and I make myself angry just because I want to be angry. I don't beleive that this is uncommon. Being happy increases the happiness of those around us. If we can't be happy, let us not be selfish. Allow others to be happy and be truely happy that they are happy. Let the happiness of others guide us on our journey to happiness.

19 and still learning

There is so much brokenness in our world today. I feel that tonight, at a Good Friday service, God was teaching me about love. About loving the people in this world. This was not the message of the service, but something God was telling me as I observed the room. God loves everyone. The annoying classmate, the girl who wears werid clothes, the friend that doesn't always much the best choices. If God can show me love, I should be able to show the same love for others, no matter who they are.

Goal for this week: Be a friend for whoever needs one.